The "S" Word
Author: Kay Davis
August 11, 2022
Ever been afraid? Me too! In fact, fear used to consume my life. But God...love that phrase! But God, in His infinite wisdom, sometimes allows us to be put in positions of having to face our biggest fears. Why would He do that? I'm glad you asked!
One of the truths revealed to me during the time of our marriage crisis in 1992 was that I had a deep fear of abandonment. The fear was deeply rooted from my childhood. Experts can say what they want is the greatest need for men and women in marriage. I personally believe what God says in Ephesians 5:33 addresses this subject:
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
It's a funny thing though, our husbands can't and sometimes won't attempt to love us wives in this manner. What then? Not only that, but as wives, do we really respect our husbands as often as we should? If our husbands are not loving us the way we think he should, are we still to respect him? I'm glad you asked!
It was not until God placed me in a situation where I had to choose what I believed over what my circumstances were, that He revealed to me that it is possible to respect a husband that is not displaying his love for me. God is so wise, and I am so “not”! God reminded me during those days (and still does at times) of David in regard to respect for my husband.
David was anointed by God to become King of Israel. In the years leading up to David becoming King, the current King was becoming more and more jealous of him. King Saul's jealousy grew as time went on to the extent that King Saul set out to have David killed. During those days, David had an opportunity to kill King Saul, not once, but twice and he refrained from doing so. These accounts are found in I Samuel 24 & 26. I Samuel 24:6 says..."He said to his men, The LORD forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the LORD'S anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is anointed of the LORD.”
A similar account can be found in I Samuel 26:9-11. It was the position in which God placed King Saul in David's life that required respect. It is the position in which God places our husbands in our lives that requires us to respect them. Ouch! God's truth can indeed be sharper than a “two-edged sword” (Hebrews 4:12). It is not always a pain free path we lead when we choose to obey God. When our marriage was in crisis it was painful. Any choice I seemed to have available would be painful.
As I searched God's Word during those first dark days, the Lord led me to I Peter 4:15-19 NIV. “If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us; what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, if it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and sinner? So then, those who suf er according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.”
God was in the process of cleaning house, our house. I could either join Him or hinder Him. I had that choice. I chose to join Him, even though I hindered Him many times in the process! To say it was easy would be a lie. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. I set out to seek His way of escape as He has promised us (I Corinthians 10:13).
His way is the key to that verse, but that's another subject for another time. I loved my and husband very deeply, lack of love was not the issue. In fact, my love for my family is what kept me going many times. BUT, that love was flawed. It was my dying to self, that made it so difficult. We think we don't place much value on ourselves (or maybe that's just me) until we are put into a position of placing another person's interests ahead of our own. God has commanded us to do so nonetheless in (Philippians 2:3&4), which says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each other of you to the interests of others”.
These verses define submission to me. It may not say husbands or wives, but it does not exclude them either. Our ultimate submission, no matter who we are as Christians, should ultimately be to our Lord and then to each other, at least, that is my interpretation of scripture. Which, BTW, meant my husband had a choice as well, which was to commit to yielding to God's will over his own-despite his feelings at the time. My husband chose to submit to God in our situation...true to form to the man I knew he was-and is. It was hard for him as well, but I know if you ask him, he will say he made the right choice and God has surely honored that decision.
So, for me this meant that in order for God to clean our house, He needed me to get off of His throne and He also needed me to take my husband off His throne. Idol worship plain and simple. When I submitted to God's will and stopped trying to control my situation is when the miracles started taking place, I released my husband into God's hands and fell into them myself. During one of my darkest hours I was just about ready to give up, but God led me to Isaiah 54 ESV. He got my attention starting in verses 5-7; “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is His name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called. For the LORD has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast of , says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will gather you”.
The rest of the chapter leads to promise after promise and it was based on God's promises that enabled me to
continue on. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows me better than I know myself. He had just described me in His Word written thousands of years ago. He knew that from the time I had memory that I had a deep fear inside of me. He loved me too much to leave me in that condition. He used my love for my husband and for my girls to coax me out of that bondage and release it to Him. WOW. I did not ever have to be afraid of being abandoned again. God is my husband. He will never leave me, nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5).
God kept reminding me of I John 4:18 NIV when our marriage crisis initially started. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”. I believe He was not only telling me what He was doing, but encouraging me to carry through with what He was wanting to do in my life during that time. There is freedom in God's truth. Like they say though, freedom is not free. Sometimes we have to fight for it. We have to be willing to sacrifice and submit to God's will in order for that freedom to come to fruition. When it does we realize it was worth it. Worth it all, because it comes from a loving God who “...has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.” The power that fear held in my life ironically was broken when I myself became broken and submitted to God and His will over mine. I stand in awe of how our God operates. We (or maybe just me) tend to look at submission as a dirty word (the “s”
word), why is that? My family was being torn apart, the stakes were made pretty high. They evidently had to be in order for God to get my attention, I had to face the fear I dreaded most as a possible reality. I have since come to realize that having my way just doesn't seem as important as it used to, not when I have seen firsthand the repercussions it would have left in it's wake.
But God (YEA, God)! But, God had other plans! I have learned that submission is not necessarily giving up that thing, or person, etc. that we want to hold on to. It is sometimes just the act of being willing to release it to Him if He requires it of you. So, in closing, this is my prayer for us all: “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.” -Corrie Ten Boom
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